What My Dad Did Right – “I Had to Become a Dad to Appreciate My Own”

September 7, 2010

Rodney Fernandez is the Editor in Chief of the10k.com. He lives in Michigan with his two daughters.

It’s so easy to tell a story about what your dad did wrong in raising you, but what about what he did right? Right or wrong, I believe that we are all products of our environment. True strength and self empowerment lies within the individuals ability to make the correct decision, no matter what they have been exposed to. Your dad may have done something “right” in raising you, even though you may have thought it was the wrong decision. I feel that a lot of who I am as a father comes directly from watching my dad make decisions that I would have not made. I am not saying that my dad made the wrong decisions, or that he was a bad father, I am simply saying that I have made some different decisions now that I am a father myself. I will always be grateful for every decision he made because those decisions made me the man I am today. If my kids think I’m a good dad, it’s only because I was shown how to be one by their grandfather.

Dad has always been a strong, kind, giving, modest, loving, and faithful man. I hope to one day be half the man that he is. I have watched him grow as a person my whole life, but never truly respected him as a man until I had children of my own. It’s always hard to view your parents as individual people. I’ll always remember my dad as an “old fashioned man” who worked hard to provide for his family. I feel like the staples of who I am as a “man” come from watching him as a child. My dad has retired from two full careers as part of providing for his family, but at the high cost of sacrificing time with us. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to get home from a deployment and have your youngest child run from you because they didn’t know who you were. It breaks my heart to even think about that story and even more so to admit that I’m the child in that story. For that fact alone, my dad will always be a “hero” in my eyes. While I never understood that as a child, I understand it now as a parent. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to want to give them everything, but to do so, having to be away from them. I never knew how much my dad sacrificed for us until I became a parent myself. While I remember dad being there for us when my brother or I needed him, it’s very different then how I try to be available for my two daughters. I don’t think for one second that our parents had all the right answers, or a copy of the “parent handbook” but I do think our parents did the best they could. I believe that is what we all do “right” as parents.

Here’s an example – I probably tell my daughters in one day “I love you” more than my dad has told me in my whole life. Now to some, that may seem like something he did “wrong”, but is it not “right” if it makes me tell my daughters I love them more? I know my dad loves me; he’s just not the type of man to say it aloud. I don’t criticize or condemn him for this, but instead try to use it for helping me grow as a dad myself.

So what do I think my dad did right in raising me, well…everything. I love my dad for everything he has sacrificed and accomplished while raising me. I love him for setting the example of how a dad should be, and for still giving me the room to grow as a father myself – even to this very day and I feel like I will never stop learning from him. Knowing the trials of being a parent gives me that much more respect for him. I’ve also come to enjoy watching my dad grow as a grandparent. I view everything he does for my children as something he does for me and as a continuation and extension of his love for me. I sometimes can’t believe he loves me that much. I don’t think dad will ever stop doing things to raise me “right”, and I hope he never does.

I love you, Dad.

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Dad’s Guide to Photography – Chapter 1

September 7, 2010

Leon Pryor is an account manager at Microsoft and a professional photographer.  He lives in Seattle with his wife and son. He blogs at http://digitalleon.com and you can see his photography at http://pryorstudios.com.

It’s a time-honored tradition for men old and young to answer the sweet siren call of a fancy new gadget. Having children often provides men with a unique excuse to purchase a new toy. After all we’re not spending money on ourselves – we’re buying a precision instrument that will chronicle the journey of our wondrous new family.

But before you whip out that credit card for that new camera – consider these 6 simple rules that should help you make a more informed purchase.

  1. Be careful where you buy – The average sales clerk doesn’t know much about photography.  In many cases the clerk can actually do harm by steering you toward cheap add-ons. The most common offenses are cheap glass filters, lenses, and flashes. By all means visit your local store and handle the hardware, but use online sites such as http://dpreview.com for a more informed analysis by actual professionals.
  2. The best camera is the one you have on you – A high end professional DSLR equipped with a 70-200mm Vibration reduction lens, 1.5 tele-converter, and a high end speed light may make you the envy of Dads everywhere – but it’s also large and weighs over 10lbs.  This camera isn’t portable or even practical if you are juggling a newborn or active toddler. Size matters – Are you buying a camera for little league games, a new baby, or simply photos around the house? Make sure you buy something appropriate!
  3. Megapixels – beware! – Don’t get caught up in the megapixel trap.  The clerk at your local store will try to sell you a more expensive camera in part based on the number of available megapixels.  In truth 4-6 megapixels are all you need to produce great images. Depending on the size of the camera’s sensor – abnormally high megapixel counts can actually decrease image quality.
  4. Manual Zoom trumps all – The corollary to the megapixel trap is the magnification trap. Don’t become obsessed with “zoom”.
    First off know the difference between optical zoom and digital zoom.  Optical zoom is an actual magnification of the image where digital zoom is simply cropping. Digital zoom results in a lower quality image and should always be avoided.
    Secondly any photographer with legs possesses near infinite zoom. Simply walk closer to the subject! Unless you’re photographing nature or sports – chances are a high magnification zoom lens is going to be a wasted investment.
  5. It’s all about the light– Fancy technology can’t change the laws of physics. Even with modern digital sensors – cameras are still based off a simple rule: it’s all about how much light you can get to a piece of film or a digital sensor.  The easiest way to measure this in the store is to look at the size of the camera’s aperture or lens opening.  Generally speaking – the bigger the aperture the better photos your camera can take when there isn’t a lot of light.A good external flash/speed light will also help you to produce great images even when there isn’t a good source of natural light. In a future article I’ll touch on using artificial light correctly.
  6. Don’t forget the software – You can often drastically increase the quality of your photos with a little editing.  Make sure you have software to catalog, backup and edit your images.  Newer computers often include basic photo editing software for free, however you should generally avoid the software the comes bundled with your camera.

These simple rules should help you to avoid spending more money than you should. Next month I’ll give you 6 tips on how to get amazing photographs out of your equipment.

For those of you that would like a recommendation – here are my current camera selections.

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Do You Pick Your Kids’ Friends For Them?

September 2, 2010

Reg Hamlett is a guest contributor to Playground Dad. He lives in Chicago, IL with his 2 sons.

As I watch my children seek, build and sometimes lose friendships, I am often holding my breath.  It’s hard, really hard, to meet good friends.  We’ve moved several times over the last five years, and each move brought with it a unique set of adventures and challenges.  Not to mention the natural friendship changes that happen as kids get older and mature at different speeds.  Who and what’s cool in the first grade will change in both significant and subtle ways by freshman year.  The biggest challenge has consistently revolved around leaving old friends behind and making new friends.  Whether it is the new kid in school blues or the play-date shuffle, its just not easy.  With each move and transition, I find myself coming back to the words my mother shared with me when I was younger: “If you can ask someone 10 questions about them, without them asking a single question about you, they are not your friend.” I have been in several situations over the years where that didn’t hold true, but they are the exceptions.  This rule has served me very well in assessing people likely to become close to me.  To me, the core of her message was about the value of being a good listener. Because finding and keeping good friends, while influenced by many factors, comes down to how well we listen to each other.

There are few things more important to me than my children finding their voices.  I want them to be completely comfortable expressing themselves and have the self-confidence necessary to achieve their dreams. Apparently, every parent has the same objective.  Because I’ve heard the empowered “voices” of many different children as my children explore the world.  There is the “it’s all about me and you can be my friend if you recognize” kid, there is the “I want what you have but don’t touch my toys” kid and then there is my favorite, the “my parents told me I have to be a leader and manners aren’t really important, so deal with it if you want to be my friend” kid. On top of that, there are the voices of the parents.  Parental voices may not seem that important on a child’s quest for friendship, but have you ever been stuck on a play-date or at a birthday party of a child with crazy parents?  Not a fun afternoon.

I can’t, and really don’t want to, pick my children’s friends for them. While I might be in control of the schedule and the keys now, the reality is their instincts will need to become their best guide through the maze of relationships.  I do want them to become skilled at the art of expressing themselves while sincerely engaging in what others think and say.  In part, I want them to have a critical eye and to be able to call foul when they hear something that doesn’t make sense. More importantly, I want them to recognize that the best learning takes place in the exchange of ideas.  The world they live in moves so incredibly fast and the diversity of people and ideas they engage with is so incredibly rich that, if all they can hear is their own voice, they will be left behind.

The challenge, for me, is figuring out how and where to help.  Most days, I feel like an old school dad.  Manners matter.  When a child comes over to my house or calls my home, it tells me everything I want to know about their home training.  How do they start the conversation?  Do they make eye contact?  Who are there parents and where do they live?  All simple questions that were a given when I grew up.  Often, I am pleasantly surprised by the social skills of the kids I meet, and I am really impressed.  Other days, I wish I could just say, “that kid is crazy, stay away from him.”  However, my oldest tells me that I have a no-nonsense reputation with his friends and that not all of them can handle me.  That isn’t always a good thing, but the alternative is to have him out and about with kids I don’t know in situations I can’t see.  So I try to keep it light but I can definitely live with being the no-nonsense dad.

Ultimately, though, I know this isn’t about my friendships.  It’s about my children’s ability to navigate the world on their own terms.  So I just try to listen to their voices and hope that the world is listening as well.

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Kids, Be Kind to Your Parents

September 1, 2010

Last night, during Back to School Night, we met our child’s fourth grade teacher and spent some time learning more about the upcoming year. (As an aside, there was a great representation of dads there.)

The teacher had the great idea of recording all of the moms and dads singing a song for the kids to listen to the next day in school. I had never heard the song below but thought it was great and wanted to share it with other dads.

Enjoy and share with your kids!

Be Kind to Your Parents
By Harold Rome (copyright 1954)

Be kind to your parents, and take this advice,
Remember they’re grownups, it’s a difficult stage of life
They’re apt to be nervous
And over-excited,
Confused by their daily storm and strife.

Just keep in mind, tho’ it sounds odd I know
Most parents were children long ago, (incredible)

So treat them with patience
And sweet understanding
In spite of the foolish things they do,
Some day you may wake up and find you’re a parent, too

Posted in Content Feature | 3 Comments

What My Dad Did Right – My “Real Father”

August 31, 2010

This post comes from Daylon Deon.  Daylon is a Microsoft Xbox MVP and host/Velvet Voice behind the Unscripted 360 podcast.  Follow him on Twitter @deaconblade

When I was asked to write about something my father instilled in me, I have to admit it was the easiest question I’ve ever been asked.  Although I can’t express to anyone what my biological father instilled in me, I can express what my “real father”, who shared no blood with me, did.  You see I didn’t grow up with the man who was listed on my birth certificate but I did grow up with the man who raised and took care of me.

It is because of him that I’m able to answer a question like this one.  What did my Dad do right?  The simple answer is everything.  However, I’d like to speak about the fact that my Stepfather made himself accountable and responsible for a family he inherited.  Even though there was no DNA obligation, he opted to sacrifice and be accountable for raising me and my brothers.

It was that accountability and responsibility that left a lasting impression on me.  He could have easily run from a single woman with three kids but he didn’t.  These two things he never spoke verbally but he showed in his actions a thousand times over.  He taught me how to be accountable for anything I got myself into.  He taught me how to be responsible for the choices I made.

The first lessons about what it meant to be a man came from the sweat and tears my Stepfather endured working at a Chevrolet dealership and racing cars here in Dallas.

“Whatever you do Daylon, make sure you own up to it and take ownership of it” he would say.  Be it school, my time in the Marine Corps or the start my gaming industry adventure, I held myself accountable and responsible to see it through.  He taught me responsibility in success as well as in failure.

Being accountable can’t be only about success but in the consequences of failure as well.  I know I couldn’t have accomplished the few things that I have in life or in the gaming industry without my Stepfather and what he instilled in me.

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The Pass-Back Effect

August 27, 2010

Tom Edwards is the VP, Digital Strategy & Emerging Technology for Red Urban. He lives in Dallas, TX with his wife & three kids. He blogs at: http://theblackfin.com and you can follow him on Twitter @theblackfin

If you are one of the 50+ million Americans with a smartphone and you happen to have small children? Then you have most likely passed it to them to appease their little hands and minds in certain situations. This phenomenon is now known as the pass-back effect.

Wait… Pass-back effect? It actually has a name? Yes by passing your mobile device to your child you are actually participating in a new trend of further enhancing the learning and development of your child… or in real parenting terms you are providing an electronic play grenade that will entertain them for 15 minutes while you are waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant.

Whether it is giving your two year old your iPhone during big brother’s basketball practice (try the Cars inspired matching game). Or your daughter is playing the latest dress-up or Cookie/Cake decorating game between appointments, the pass-back effect is very real. As many of you are keenly aware as nearly half (47%) of the top 100 apps sold are targeting Pre-school & elementary aged children.

There are many apps that are ideal for passing time when you need it. In 2010 alone app sales are estimated to clear 1.2 billion (insert Dr. Evil pinky reference here) dollars.  There are matching, dress up, puzzle games, and A, B, Cs. Big $$ are being spent and made to ensure that our kids have a multitude of options to keep them entertained and we at Playground Dad will continue to highlight the apps that keep our kids entertained as they become available.

Quick question, how many iPods do you currently have in your home? For that matter how many iPhones do you currently own? What are you going to do with your  iPhone 3G, 3GS and iPhone 4 or Android by next fall when you inevitably upgrade to the next version?

Instead of trying your luck on eBay consider keeping the device for your kids. You may or may not know this but a non-activated iPhone functions as an iPod touch when not directly configured as a phone. Meaning your apps, web browsing via wi-fi, etc… are all possible. This is an ideal scenario to “pass down” the device to older kiddos or bring along in situations where you want to entertain young ones. And now you don’t have to worry about peanut butter smudges on your phone!

Be on the lookout next fall for new products that will go beyond just apps and make your smartphone, and maybe even your kids, smarter.

Posted in Media, Tech | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

What My Dad Did Right – Consistency

August 26, 2010

Eric is a daddy blogger and runs the website: Better Husband and Fathers. You can also follow him on Twitter @BetterHusbands

As I was thinking about which “right thing” to write about – I had a epiphany.  The best thing about my dad is that he has consistently done so many things right AND he still doing them!  I am 26 and now have a wife, a 2 year old son, and another on the way; but, my dad is still there when I have any questions, concerns, or anything at all.

Last week I got back into my car after going to the store and it was completely dead.  I’m not 100% useless when it comes to cars, but I knew I needed assistance from someone who knew better, so I called up my dad.  After he heard I was having car trouble, he dropped what he was doing and researched my problem, called his own Dad and brother to see if they had any ideas.  This is a good example of who my Father is.  He has consistently supported me throughout my life and I know that he will continue to do so.

As I became a father, I knew what I wanted to be like.  I want to be like my own dad.  There are far to few people who say that.  I am very lucky to have had my dad growing up and it continues to be a blessing to this day!  I blog about being a Better Husband and Father and my dad is a role model for both of those roles!

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The Awkward Stage for Dads

August 25, 2010

Reg Hamlett is a guest contributor to Playground Dad. He lives in Chicago, IL with his 2 sons.

We’ve all been there.  Taller and lankier, or shorter and slower, than the rest of our classmates.  Trying to grow our hair out and struggling through that phase when it just doesn’t look right.  No one ever told me that I’d be going through it at this age.  My oldest just walked out the door for the first day of freshman year.  Alone.  Not “hey dad, wanna give me a ride?” or “pops, I know this is a big day for you too and I just want you to know I love you and I love the fact you are my dad.”  Just “see ya later dad.”  At the same time, my youngest is preparing for first grade in two weeks.  His vibe is completely different.  Every accomplishment, great or small, is worthy of sharing with me.  “Hey dad, look, I can make a beard with the bubbles!”  “Dad, watch, I can bounce the soccer ball off my knee and then my head,” or “thanks for the new books dad, you’re the greatest!”  For him, cool is all about doing everything with me.

So here I am, as excited and nervous about high school as I was kindergarten 9 years ago.  Amped about what gear to wear, making sure the schedule is in the notebook, and trying to locate the lock (and the combination that apparently has been thrown away because “I memorized it when we bought it but, uh, I can’t remember it now dad.”)  From the outside looking in, one would think I was going to school.  But, alas, I’m not.  I’m stuck at the awkward stage for parents, firmly in the middle of one child who relishes his growing independence and self-discovery process, and the other who eagerly explores the world while maintaining a tight grip on my hand.

The more I think about it, this particular awkward stage is about me being slightly envious.  I look at the schools my sons attend and I wish my schools were this good and diverse when I was growing up.  There are classes, concepts and books my oldest will take in high school that I wasn’t exposed to until college.  I watch him move effortlessly on the soccer pitch with much admiration, with the complete knowledge that I was a second string intramural player at my athletic peak.  I listen to my youngest practice Mandarin and I get excited about the possibilities for a clever young brother speaking Chinese in a global society.

One of the greatest joys of being a father is watching my sons embark on a new journey with confidence.  I can just feel that they feel completely up to the challenge.  It is an exhilarating feeling and one that reminds me of all the knee scrapes, sad days, bumps and bruises (emotional and physical) that led up to the moment when they suddenly realize “I got this!”  At the same time, one of the hardest parts of being a single/widowed father is the constant fear that I’ve missed something.  Not so much the feeling that I am doing something wrong. It’s more about the constant realization that if my boys had both parents, they would be even more amazing, more grounded and more complete. So I obsess over every decision from what schools they should attend to whether I should allow him to go on a date with that girl.  I haven’t botched too many decisions up to now, but there is still time to royally mess them up before they leave home for good.

How will I manage this awkward stage?  Hmm, don’t know at this point.  Right now, my only real goal is to avoid making my awkward stage their awkward stage.  No standing in front of high school waving and watching while my oldest walks in the building (it’s not my fault there just happens to be a coffee shop a block away).  No coming to the first freshman soccer game with orange slices and tissues just in case it gets cold.  Play it real cool when it’s time to meet the date for the freshman dance.  Have to remember to get that one right.  Try not to be the loudest parent at the first grade concert.  Most of all, breathe deeply as I let go of one hand while not squeezing the other hand too tightly.

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What My Dad Did Right – What Not To Do

August 23, 2010

Josh is the Co-Editor of iFanboy.com. You can follow him on twitter @jaflanagan

It’s not an easy question to answer ‘what my dad did right,’ because the true answer is: nothing.  I know who my father is, and he knows who I am, but that’s about the end of the story.  Because of whatever reasons he might have had, we never formed a relationship.  My mother moved about 6 hours away from where he was, and aside from some very awkward calls now and then, he was a non-entity in my life.  As a child, I can’t say it affected me all that much. It was just the way things were.  As I got older, it weighed more heavily on me, and it got harder and harder to accept rejection on that level.  And regardless of whatever circumstances the man claimed, it was full-scale, no holds barred rejection.

Obviously this was all very much on my mind as the birth of my first son approached.  I feared, on some level, that whatever was in my father that allowed him to not take part in my life would be present in me, and I would disappoint my son in some way.  At six months old, I can already see myself overcompensating, making up for the perceived paternal flaw in my genetic makeup, so he never feels the same way I did.  I can already hear Oliver years from now in my head: “I got it, Dad.  You can leave me alone now.” “Are you sure Ollie? I’ll be right here for you.” “OK, Dad.  Just let go of my hand now, and stop crying please.” “Sure thing, son.”

So what was it my dad did right?  Well, in some twisted backwards way, he’s shown me what to never ever do.  I’ve known my son for a matter of weeks, but I already know that if he was taken away from me, I’d go there. Often.  I want to know who he’s going to be. I want him to know that he always has my support.  I want him to know that he’s going to be loved one hundred percent no matter what he does.  It is absolute and final.  My son will never have to make awkward jokes on Father’s Day.  My son will know what a real father is, because I know how terrible it feels to not know, and I will do everything I can to make sure he has no idea what it was like to grow up like I did.

And it’s going to annoy the snot out of him.

If you grow up with an absent parent, where no circumstances other than choice dictate how involved they are in your life, you do wonder, from time to time, if it’s you.  You wonder if there’s something about you that caused that rejection.  But now, I know, and I knew moments into my young son’s life, that it’s not in me.  It’s in him.  Oliver will grow up with a nauseatingly supportive father, who’s right there.  All the time.  Even when he thinks he’s had enough.

In some perverse, backwards way, that’s the lesson I learned from my father.  I learned how to do the right thing, because I knew the wrong thing so well.

“Dad, you can go now.”
“I will, son. In just a minute.”

Posted in WMDDR | Tagged | 7 Comments

What My Dad Did Right – Support of Athletics

August 20, 2010

Ryan M. Gray was born and raised in San Mateo, CA and currently resides in San Francisco,CA.  He attended the College of San Mateo out of Aragon High School before transferring to the University of Hawaii on a football scholarship.  Aside from his day job as a commercial real estate mortgage banker, he is the Director of Football Operations at the College of San Mateo. You can follow him on twitter at @theryangray

I am who I am because of athletics.  My confidence, work ethic, determination and ability to excel under pressure all stem from the lessons I learned on the playing field.  I would not be the person I am today if it weren’t for sports and I wouldn’t have made it through the many challenges I faced if it weren’t for my Dad.  Through all the triumphs and defeats, highs and lows, successes and failures, I could always count on one thing… the support of my Dad.

My Dad was there to celebrate the victories, but more importantly he was there to pick me up after the defeats.  He taught me the importance of pushing through adversity regardless of how difficult it was or how much I wanted to quit.  For all the times I felt like hanging-up my cleats (and there were plenty), he always found a way to put things in perspective and motivate me to work harder.  Looking back, every achievement I accomplished on the field had a major obstacle to overcome.  If my Dad wasn’t there to guide me through those tough times, my athletics career would have been cut short and I would have missed significant life lessons and memories.

For all the amazing things my Dad did, it was really the things he didn’t do that made him so great.  He never put any pressure on me, never tried to steer me towards or away from any particular sport, and never yelled at me or the refs or coaches. My dad was just always there to support me.

Rain or shine, win or loss, good or bad… when I walked off that field he was there with a hug, pat on the back or rub on the head.  He picked me up when I was down and rewarded me when I was up.  Every goal I scored, touchdown I caught or home run I hit… he was there with a $5 spot.  Soccer season was very profitable.

When the day comes that I too am a Dad, I’ll be there for my kids the same way my Dad was there for me… with open arms and a smile.

Posted in WMDDR | Tagged | 1 Comment

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