Are you searching for an easy way to tell that you are going away? It’s never going to be easy, trust us! But you have to let the kid know about it as you cannot hide it!
When it is the first time, it will be tough. But you have to be strong and take things on your hands. Only you can make it possible in the right way!
They deserve to Know
Take time until the date of your deployment is declared. And when it is declared, you have to be honest. Be honest when you talk about your coming back. If you have small children, they might not be able to accept the long term distance from you.
However, never lie. If you are not coming back home until Christmas, you have to tell that clearly but softly. You can tell your kid to mark the calendar and wait for you.
There are also children that are a little bigger. In this case, they might see newspapers or TV news and get worried about you. You have to ensure that you do a job and in the military, measures will be taken for your safety.
Their Safety is Important
You have to make sure that your children are safe. When you are going out for your job in the military, you have to make them feel protected first.
If your child is young, they might keep questioning you about the change in your routine. You have to take the time and answer them. Make a proper routine that makes him feel good.
Ways of Communication
Goodbyes might be a little tougher for your child than you. And so, you have to deal with it cautiously. Communication, for a child, is more important when it’s time to be deployed. When you are leaving him, make sure you tell him to email you.
Also, you can give him something of yours and take something of him so that he can feel close to you when you are away. Talk about the people he is going to stay with, it will make him comfortable.
More time, more love
Kids need to get loved when you are home. You will not be here for a long period and so, you have to give him the extra time he needs to cope with it.
Tell him that you know it is tough for him to stay without you but also tell him to give his best. Work together in this spare time. Have movies together. Cook and fix the car. Paint the walls and click pictures together as memories!
Routine is the Key
When you are out, keep somebody there to take care of him. Make the caregivers know their duties properly. Ensure that home is predictable for you. Tell the caregivers to keep the regular routine.
Make sure the way you left, it should be there when you come back. The small things like going to bed at 10 pm to making cookies on Sunday should be the same when you leave.
Presence in Absence
Make sure that the caregivers ensure your position in the life of your child. Make a routine when you both will look at the previous pictures to remember each other. You can tell the caregivers keep your presence on every occasion so that your kid never feels alone.
This will make him feel that you are around him. Also, keep talking to him. If he is upset or has any misconception, try to talk and solve it. Don’t keep it for the day you come back. Otherwise, it will worsen.
You need Help
When you are going through a departure, not only your child but you can also get into behind sad. You can fall into trouble. However, there are several programs by the Armed Force to help families like yours.
Make sure you take advantage. Also, let your friends and relatives know about your situation. Also, tell them to help you and visit your child more often.
Returning in Rhythm
Leaving is tough but returning is tougher. Trust us, when we say it! When you have been out of your home for more than 7-12 months, you cannot expect the home to be the same.
Your child will grow a little. In cases, he might have missed you a lot. In some cases, you might have forgotten you a bit.
Your child might not be the same person when you come back. This is heartbreaking but you might see that your kid is avoiding you. But hold on, this is normal. He might be upset for you to stay away from him for so long. If you try to change his new routine, it might also annoy him.
Adjust and Accept
You cannot only adjust but you have to accept it! Yes, you have to accept his changed behavior. If he is not like before anymore, accept it. He is a child and he won’t be able to adjust with your life. So, you need to take a step forward and try to adjust to his new lifestyle.
Start talking to him and giving him time. Talk to him about what he did all these times. The first few days will be tough.
Try to get into his routine as a part of it. Try to consult him about the troubles he has been through and apologize to him for not being there in his tough times. Tell him how tough your job is and how you missed him.
Start working together just like before. You won’t be here forever and let him know that again. Know his friends and spend time with them. Participate in what he likes and things will get better!
Even if you have two children, they won’t be the same. No child is the same as the other. And so, you have to understand your child first.
Whatever you do, make sure it doesn’t affect the future of your child in any negative way. Talk as much as you can to know what your kid wants. Remember, the conversation has always opened the door of comfort and reliability.
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This is Pooja. Blessed with two baby girls. A working mom and a part-time blogger. Love cycling with my family and I will never stop exploring.
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