Many parents ask: What do we do when we discipline in completely different ways? While there is no right way or wrong way, you both have to rise above the arguing and disagreements.
The truth is, neither of you (if alone) would do the wrong thing all the time. Better to present a unified message to your kids than look weak or disagreeable. I recommend letting one parent take charge and let him/her do it in their way (other parent steps aside). This works better for kids seven and up (as younger kids need more consistency). Then you talk (privately) with your spouse to hammer out the rest. All the research shows that disagreeing and conflict is much worse than inconsistency. Besides, as your kids get older, you can say “Mommy does things differently – but when I’m with you it’s my rules” (and vice versa). They will see two different approaches to raising their own kids someday.