The Invisible Dad

Reg Hamlett is a guest contributor to Playground Dad. He lives in Chicago, IL with his 2 sons.

Not all holidays are equal. Some are joyous, filled with family, friends, food and good times.  Others are quiet, reflective and best used for recharging.  My Labor Day was a mix of both. As I was flipping through the pictures from the weekend, a sense of nostalgia came over me, so I went digging in the boxes for old pictures. As I was looking over the images of my family life, particularly the special shots of my children, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before:  I’m barely in a third of the pictures. And I’m in even fewer of the pictures of those key milestones: riding their first bike without training wheels, getting on the bus for the first day of kindergarten, the first homerun in baseball, I’m not visible.  I realized, in that instant, that I’ve become the family cameraman.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a great gig.  While I’m capturing the scenes from our life, my children are actually living life.  But I did try to break this down in my head to make sure I understood what was happening.  Because, to the casual observer, it could just as easily look as though I wasn’t there or involved at all.  There are, of course, all the posed, studio pictures.  My wife and I in color coordinated sweaters with our sons in the middle, kind of a Garanimals meet the Huxtables thing. There are the group shots at the end parties, where you rotate camera duty and no one picture has everyone in it.  Then there are the celebration pictures that capture the joy right after the moment has occurred. I’m in a lot of those. But the best ones, hands down, are the in-the-moment shots where breakthroughs are occurring.

The best part of being the family cameraman is the unique vantage point it gives me.  I can see the emotions on their faces as they anticipate what will come next. Sometimes there’s a look of excitement, worry or an intense gaze, other times it’s just an ear-to-ear grin.  And while it may have taken 10 pictures to get that perfect one, it never takes away from the experience they are actually having.  As cameraman (and, I guess, editor), I can concentrate on them while they are free to be themselves without having to think about how the world sees them.

When we are looking through old pictures as a family, it’s interesting to watch the reactions of my kids.  They are frequently amazed that the picture exists, and after a moment or two, they get excited when the memory comes rushing back to them.  Often, it is comedy hour, as they are more focused on the random pictures that pop up from my childhood and I have to explain the significance of polyester, homemade suits and platform shoes. Sometimes, when they can’t remember the scene of the picture, it’s a great opportunity to talk about where our family has been and where we are now. But mostly, they seem to find a sense of peace that the moment was captured and that they can return to a simpler time just by pulling the pictures out and reliving the stories.

A few days ago, as I was taking my youngest to the first day of first grade, we stopped in the driveway so I could take a picture of him.  He made serious faces, silly faces, plenty of smiling faces (By the way, the best way to get a great smile from a reluctant subject is to get them to say bumblebee.) and we had a quick moment of laughter before his newest adventure.  Before we hopped in the car, he stopped me and asked if he could take a picture of me.  I agreed, he grabbed the camera and began snapping away.  Ignoring the various shots where my head is cut off and the picture is crooked, he captured a few really good shots.  Whether he’s ready to become the family photographer remains to be seen, but it did make me stop and appreciate the fact that, just as I enjoy watching my kids live, they enjoy the unique perspective they have on my life.

As I close the albums and shoeboxes for this trip down memory lane, I realize what I love most about these precious shots is that they simply capture my sons doing, being and just living. Though I’m far from a professional and my shots are often blurry, they are never out of focus.

Image Credit: Daniel Dionne

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  • http://brianmayer.me Brian Mayer

    We experience a similar phenomenon, but with awareness, we are starting to overcome it. My wife is a pro photog and so she’s always using the “good gear” when taking family photos. Due to that, she’s been then invisible one much of our marriage. We realized this a couple years ago and have made a concerted effort to get me doing some of the shooting for family stuff. We’ve also taken to using a separate camera for family stuff and that is helping as well. That one’s easier for me to use :)

    Anyway, our current struggle is getting them off the computer and into our lives. Sounds like you’re doing alright in the department (getting them into albums). How do you do it?

    • Reg

      Thanks for the read and comment Brian. I wish I had it figured out. I was serious about digging in the boxes to look at pictures. Between photo albums, shoe boxes, my phone and my computers, I have more pics than Kodak! I keep telling myself I need to sit down and organize them…hasn’t happened yet. Actually, because we’ve moved so much and because a lot of my pics are taken on the go, Facebook has become my default photo album. Easy to share real time with the people I am closest too. Nothing beats a good photo album!

  • http://cdnjones.tumblr.com CDN Jones

    Coming from an upbringing where my sisters and I were constantly in the lens, I’m surprised that I don’t take more photos than I do. My dad was constantly snapping photos, to the point of extreme annoyance of my mother and we children. Perhaps that’s why I simply enjoy the moments, rather than constantly think ‘Ooh! I gotta get a pic of this!’. Sure, I do that sometimes, and we always make sure to have the camera out on special occasions, but the day-to-day stuff just doesn’t get documented very much. Sometimes we’ll just take a few quick shots of us at the park, or goofing in the house. Now that I think about it, I might just make more of an effort to snap more of those casual shots. Our daughter is growing and changing too fast to only document birthdays and holidays!

    However, when the camera does come out, my wife and I try to share the operation of it as much as possible so that there are some pics of both of us.

    • Reg

      I try to play it cool and not get up in peoples faces and ruin the moment. When I look at pics from my childhood, I realize I have far fewer than my kids have and they are still growing. So I try to temper when the camera comes out. I do, however, love the candid shots that capture them natural and just lounging. Fun to see how much they’ve grown, almost as good as lines on a bathroom door!

  • Michael

    Nice article! I too am the family photographer. Our son is 19 now and the memories I have been able to capture are fantastic! I have often felt the distance or absence from the family, when I review old photographs, because of the lack of my presence in the photos, but I know now the benefit of capturing life’s moments that fade quickly away. My love of photography has been handed down to our son. He takes some amazing pictures and understands these moments.

    What we have told him, and what I try to remember, is to always relish the present. Capturing a moment, be it on camera or in just stepping back, locks in memories that will last a lifetime. We have also taught him to always try to be present. We move so fast in this world that being present, enough to take a photograph or capturing the moment, is often the opportunity of a lifetime.