Becoming a Daughter’s Dad

We’re having a girl! We just found out last week that little “Zee” our 18 week old unborn baby is a girl.

Knowing that makes me feel excited and ecstatically happy as well as terrified all at the same time.

Now:

  • I am a boy (of thirty eight years);
  • I was born into a family of 2 boys (my brother, Bob and I);
  • I have had a boy (my fifteen year old son Tom is a boy);
  • Most of my friends are boys (albeit in their thirties).

So what on earth do I know about girls? (Aside from what I have learnt in my experiences as a boy – which does nothing to calm the fears!). How can I be sure that I won’t “break her” when I hold her?

Now, I’ve never met a dad who has a daughter and isn’t completely besotted with her. My friends and colleagues who have daughters clearly spend most of their time wrapped or being wrapped around the daughters’ fingers. People speak of daughters as “the apple of dad’s eye”, and “daddy’s little girl” or “daddy’s angel.” And I’m pretty sure that will be me too. I already feel like I was born to be the hero and the protector of my little girl.

People also say that girls develop quicker than boys (e.g. crawling, walking, talking). Girls are more studious than boys and more likely to take schoolwork seriously (which will be a nice change!). So there are a lot of pros to having a girl.

But the people also say that girls are more emotional than boys. They are fussier. They like having clean hands and clean clothes. They will take longer to get ready, and may be fussier eaters. These things I can cope with.

But as girls grow up into young ladies, they will date boys….and being a boy, this worries me immensely. I mean what boy on earth could possibly be good enough for my daughter? And how will I ensure that these boys treat my daughter the way she deserves to be treated? And how will I protect her?

My wife asks why I don’t have the equivalent worries about my fifteen year-old son Tom. Well that’s easy – it’s because he’s a boy. Duh!

So, I think the obvious approach is to take one day at a time, and to enjoy the pre-teen years with my daughter, before stocking up on birdshot cartridges and moving to a deserted island with no boys within a thousand miles :-)

About Jozi Dad

Husband to the amazing “Wendy“, dad to teen “Tom” (15) and unborn “Zygote” ("Zee" for short) who is eagerly expected to arrive in May 2013. Born and schooled in Zimbabwe in the days before Bob went mad, I’ve lived in "Jozi" (Johannesburg) for almost 20 years and have recently had the urge to write about becoming a dad for the second time. I’m gainfully employed in one of the great South African corporates, and for that reason have decide to keep this blog anonymous (for now anyway) – so I can honestly write about the things I might not otherwise like my colleagues to know I’ve written about! Wendy and I are avid foodies, and I’m currently (always?) trying hard not to look more pregnant than Wendy, a sometimes runner, sometimes cyclist – but not when it’s too cold or too wet… lover of scuba diving, travel and photography.

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  • http://twitter.com/ChloeVsZoey Sean

    I completely understand where you’re coming from. I just had my daughter 2 weeks ago (also my first child). A whole new world has been opened up!

  • ChadMillerBlog

    When my son was born, I was pumped. I knew how to be a boy and get dirty and cause mischief. However, when it was announced we were going to have a daughter, I panicked! I had many of your same thoughts… but, that was almost 5 years ago now, and I’m learning that more than anything, my time and confidence in my parenting are what she needs most.
    That said, good luck, a little girl’s emotions are the most confusing thing in the world.

  • http://twitter.com/dadsrgreat Dad is Great

    I feel your pain. I grew up with two brothers and no sisters. After about two years of marriage I realized that the best marital advice I never received was that women are just different. So naturally I’ve now got three daughters (ages 20, 14, and 11) and one son (age 18). Everything you’ve heard is true. My son has been a piece of cake getting through high school versus what we experienced with my 20 year old daughter.

    I highly recommend a book. It’s called “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know” by Meg Meeker, M.D. Lots of good advice about parenting girls as a dad. I wish I had read it about ten years ago.

    Good luck! I’m sure you’ll do great!

  • evader

    having our first – a girl – in t minus 14 days…give or take. After fielding the question several times, how I feel about having a daughter, I have found that I am really looking forward to having a little girl, but I am terrified of fathering a young woman.

  • IE

    while i too dread the day that my little girl starts to date, i believe that raising my little 4yr old girl has been the best blessing ever. It’s definitely changed my perspective on life in a way that has humbled me as a man. If there’s one piece of advice i can give, it would be this, as a father make sure to always stay emotionally connected to your girl. It’s been this emotional connection that my 4yr old and I share that has made our relationship so strong. Oh, and get used to playing with dolls, playing pretend, and watching fairy disney movies, it comes with the territory. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/lynnjohnson Lynn Johnson

    Congratulations! As a girl advocate, I am so excited that you are being so thoughtful and reflective about what kind of dad you will be to your daughter. In those teen years, just remember that, although it will feel hard for you, she will need you then more then ever…even if she doesn’t act like it. And the better behaved you are as a man, the more she will come to expect of the young men she dates…assuming she wants to date men. And she doesn’t, be even more on her side.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Medina/1048179109 William Medina

    If my daughter and son are used as my example, yes what you said is true. But what many fail to realize, we often have deferential expectations when it comes to boys and girls.

  • http://twitter.com/jozidaddy Jozi Daddy

    Thanks for all the comments! Just got back from a 2 week vacation with friends and their 18 month old daughter (who is an absolute darling) – must say I’m very excited to becoming a dad to a daughter soon. Have a wonderful 2013 all of you!