Rodney Fernandez is the Editor in Chief of the10k.com. He lives in Florida with his two daughters.
It’s so easy to tell a story about what your dad did wrong in raising you, but what about what he did right? Right or wrong, I believe that we are all products of our environment. True strength and self empowerment lies within the individuals ability to make the correct decision, no matter what they have been exposed to. Your dad may have done something “right” in raising you, even though you may have thought it was the wrong decision. I feel that a lot of who I am as a father comes directly from watching my dad make decisions that I would have not made. I am not saying that my dad made the wrong decisions, or that he was a bad father, I am simply saying that I have made some different decisions now that I am a father myself. I will always be grateful for every decision he made because those decisions made me the man I am today. If my kids think I’m a good dad, it’s only because I was shown how to be one by their grandfather.
Dad has always been a strong, kind, giving, modest, loving, and faithful man. I hope to one day be half the man that he is. I have watched him grow as a person my whole life, but never truly respected him as a man until I had children of my own. It’s always hard to view your parents as individual people. I’ll always remember my dad as an “old fashioned man” who worked hard to provide for his family. I feel like the staples of who I am as a “man” come from watching him as a child. My dad has retired from two full careers as part of providing for his family, but at the high cost of sacrificing time with us. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to get home from a deployment and have your youngest child run from you because they didn’t know who you were. It breaks my heart to even think about that story and even more so to admit that I’m the child in that story. For that fact alone, my dad will always be a “hero” in my eyes. While I never understood that as a child, I understand it now as a parent. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to want to give them everything, but to do so, having to be away from them. I never knew how much my dad sacrificed for us until I became a parent myself. While I remember dad being there for us when my brother or I needed him, it’s very different then how I try to be available for my two daughters. I don’t think for one second that our parents had all the right answers, or a copy of the “parent handbook” but I do think our parents did the best they could. I believe that is what we all do “right” as parents.
Here’s an example – I probably tell my daughters in one day “I love you” more than my dad has told me in my whole life. Now to some, that may seem like something he did “wrong”, but is it not “right” if it makes me tell my daughters I love them more? I know my dad loves me; he’s just not the type of man to say it aloud. I don’t criticize or condemn him for this, but instead try to use it for helping me grow as a dad myself.
So what do I think my dad did right in raising me, well…everything. I love my dad for everything he has sacrificed and accomplished while raising me. I love him for setting the example of how a dad should be, and for still giving me the room to grow as a father myself – even to this very day and I feel like I will never stop learning from him. Knowing the trials of being a parent gives me that much more respect for him. I’ve also come to enjoy watching my dad grow as a grandparent. I view everything he does for my children as something he does for me and as a continuation and extension of his love for me. I sometimes can’t believe he loves me that much. I don’t think dad will ever stop doing things to raise me “right”, and I hope he never does.
I love you, Dad.
